so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
