So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
