Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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