Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
