Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Hippo gnu deer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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