nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
