Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
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