Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
