Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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