Little spoons don't ask big questions
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
