I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize