I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
