How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
