I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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