Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
