dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
