And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
