"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
