I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
