I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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