I don't usually arrange sex via text message
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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