I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
