respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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