I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
be right there i have to get my cape
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
