It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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