i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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