I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
