i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
she peed on how many people?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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