a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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