____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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