yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I want to fling myself into the sun
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
