Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
