Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
