I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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