Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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