that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
