Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
