Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
