People in love make me want to vomit
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize
