homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize