I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
