I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
