He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
