my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
