party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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