you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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