Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
