MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
