love makes seman taste better
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
If I die, sorry about rent.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
