so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We're too hungover to prance.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
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