butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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