i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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