Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
