if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
