That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
