Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
