My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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