I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Randomize
