just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
