So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
