Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
