i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
