i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
